I For One Welcome Our New Computer Overlords!


It seems that with the abundant amount of technology today, we are becoming more and more lazy than the generation before us (not to mention, we are all becoming more and more delusional about this fantasy called multitasking.) But thinking about the travesty and triumph called technology reminds me of a tale that has been occurring ever since my family got our first computer.

My parents are baby boomers, and being a Millenial who can barely tolerate the old and simple lifestyle that boomers were taught and raised with, there are a lot of comedic moments. My parents have no idea on how to use the family computer. Now, I know what your thinking: NO, they didn’t put white out on the screen. NO, they didn’t mistake Java for porn software. NO, they don’t “accidentally” type Viagra.com when they want to go to craigslist or YouTube. Instead, the computer crashes on them whenever they are on.

Apparently, somebody must’ve installed some artificial intelligence and whenever my parents (mainly my mother) gets on to check their e-mail or Facebook account, the computer turns off.

Shuts Down.

Goes Dark.

Do I really need another way to describe it?

It is either that or they press the sleep button every time they type.

Over the past couple of years, I have heard constant complaints from them about this computer being “too slow” or “doesn’t work half the time”. Well, let me get my rebuttal ready. Kay, here we go.

First off, the computer we use is old! Obsolete! Cave-man material. Anything that works better as a coaster for your drinks than when attempting to download a website the length of the Great Wall of China in a microsecond can cause a computer this old to crash.

Secondly, the internet service we have sucks. Go over the limit by two kilobytes and the internet service shuts down for sixty seconds (I know, it’s torture!) 

Lastly, didn’t I already mention that whenever Millenials and Boomers are in the same house, comedic moments occur? I believe I did.

So, if I was to provide a solution; I would say to just get a new computer. But, the worst thing about Boomers is that if it works, why throw it away?!



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